i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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