She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
