Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
