Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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