the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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