"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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