I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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