I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
