my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
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