I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
