i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
