The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
