I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
