Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
