Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
