so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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