It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
