you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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