Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
