I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
whose parrot is this?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
