She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
