how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
