When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
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Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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