so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
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That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
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Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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