TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Randomize
