Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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