Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
