is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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