Having a random hookup so left but love u
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she told me i tasted like america
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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