Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
