I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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