we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
