I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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