Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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