You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
