dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
