I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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