i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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