i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
