We're facebook friends in real life
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
