ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I would ride that face into the sunset
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