Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
