If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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