So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
