paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Damn victory sex feels great
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
