you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
