just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
