I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
