Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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