It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
