Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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