I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
