Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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