And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
