I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
