ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
