I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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