I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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