well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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