Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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