I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
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Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
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So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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