He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
