I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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